Well, after a momentous week of watching Oprah I feel I must come “clean” with one of the more lucrative aspects of our business.
For over twenty years we have been supplying performance enhancing additives to our clients. From Lance to Barry to Sosa and beyond we have turned many average Joe’s into stars. Not just additives either. We have a full line of performance enhancing equipment that will take you from geekdom to superstar.
Like our elastic free long johns that require suspenders to remain in place. When coupled with our outer shell suspended pants you are double suspenderd, which makes you a double geek. This means you are actually cool as double geekdom cancels itself out. Or try our line of CFC free avalanche repellant! This will save large dollars on the purchase of an avalanche transceiver and untold hours of practice and on going education. Just spray it on prior to your tour and avalanches cannot touch you.
We also have a full line of anti-gravity nano-tube ski,bike, and boat protectants, hand crafted from Higgs Bosons.These additive lotions will prevent contact with rocks, logs, thorns or any other naturally occurring pesky impediments that can damage your gear. The Nano-Bosons detect these obstacles and briefly engage the Strong Distracter force, which confuses and distracts the given impediment, thereby allowing you to avoid contact and the associated expensive repairs.
We also have a catalog of fake girl friends or boy friends available on line. Prices vary depending on if you want terminal diseases or not and if you need actual contact, or your fake beau to actually expire.
Plus, while most of our “enhancers” are designed to bump your ability and cool factor up a level, we also have a limited supply of reverse engineered de-enhancers.These run the gamut from nasal sprays to shorts or eyewear, that can take those of us that are already too cool, down to plain cool, or with higher dosages, all the way to full geek.
Mr. Armstrong availed himself of this service just last week, to great effect, although it took higher dosages than normally prescribed before it achieved the desired results.He also communicated that he will post a testimonial to this site espousing the often overlooked benefits of de-enhancing additives.
Remember, don’t be fooled by cheap off-shore imitations, available at most “Big Box” stores. These are usually labeled un-enhancers that are low quality with a short shelf life.Use of these products will only result in being back to cool before your time!
Stay tuned for testimonials and more unique product selections.